Monday, March 3, 2008

Cabinet Agony

I am in complete and utter agony. Torture torture torture. There are two sides to my misbegotten, bizarre, giant weirdo personality. The first half of my personality likes for things to be nice, well made, pretty, interesting, and somehow right. I am not a perfectionist. I can live with flaws and mistakes, but I can't live with outright ugly. Outright ugly must be fixed as soon as possible with a can of paint, a piece of fabric, a glue gun, paperclips... whatever it takes.

Now the other half of my personality hates to tell people what to do. HATES it! Unless it is my own kids. And even then, I prefer for them to figure things out on their own. But because I don't want to raise misbegotten, bizarre, giant weirdo kids like myself, I try to shape them somewhat with a few orders sent their way now and then. Everyone else in the world is on their own. I don't want to tell you how to do things, what to do, and especially to do something over again.

So today - I had to mix these two ends of my personality - the end that likes pretty things and the end that hates to tell people to do something over again. And it was awful and I still fell like crap and I think I will for quite a while.

The cabinets didn't turn out quite like I had imagined - actually it is just the drawer fronts in the kitchen. I ordered plain slab drawer fronts because I am deranged and didn't want to have to clean out little grooves. So I thought what difference does it make... a few drawers will be plain... the rest of the cabinets will be fancy and just the drawers plain. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The rest of the cabinets are gorgeous. But the drawer fronts which were built exactly to MY specifications look ALL WRONG! They turned out big and slabby, and square, and like evil robot drawers! It is my fault - mine mine mine - but it has to be fixed and I had to ask for it to be fixed and it was very very hard.

Over the course of this construction process I have had to do this more than once. Not a lot, but enough to get a teensy bit better at it. I am still terrible, but not as terrible. So - I asked for the change and said I am sorry ten thousand times and then I got down on my belly and slunk out of the cabinet shop. I feel like I murdered someone. Is their a drug out there to make this go away... Can someone suggest a good psychiatrist?... Maybe I'll just go get a frozen Dr. Pepper...

After I slunk off, I came home and talked to the country doctor. And may I just say that if the country doctor was a psychiatrist, all of his patients would have shot themselves long ago. His "PLEASE make me feel better about myself please" skills are TERRIBLE. He makes me feel WORSE. However, he did agree to go back out to the cabinet shop with me to see what the best remedy would be.

When we arrived, I was sure that all the men who work there would be stationed in the bushes with a rifle pointed at my head. At best, I figured they would all fall silent and look away when I walked in. But they didn't. They actually were very nice. One came up and said - you know you are going to stare at these cabinets a long time - you might as well get something you like. They they all took turns making fun of me for changing things this late in the game INCLUDING THE COUNTRY DOCTOR!!! - But at least they were laughing with... I mean at... me and not tossing me out on the streets.

I feel I need to remind everyone that I live in a small town. Those of you who live in big cities might think it is absurd to worry about how the cabinet makers feel - but the thing is that I will see these men downtown, at school functions, at parades, in the grocery store, and at ball games, for the rest of my life. So maintaining a decent relationship is kind of important. It is probably wise even if you live in L.A. or N.Y.C. You never know when you might have to work with someone again. OH NO - I think I just told you what to do! Now I will have to slink off and go get another frozen Dr. Pepper.


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